Friday, May 1, 2009


I just heard Nick Rheinberger on ABC Illawarra interview one 'Elvis Pavarotti" re his amazing natural therapy- special breathing exercises that not only relieve back pain but have the highly desirable side-effect of making you able to sing. In this guy's case like both Elvis (Presley, not Costello) and also Pavarotti. Incredible stuff.

Of course it only works if you place your left palm over your navel and make an affirmation of intention to get well. (I'm sorry, that bit was a given; I don't know why I even mentioned it really.)

I myself have been working on a similar technique which involves singing the complete song "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" which when done on only one breath, seems to cure lumbago, warts, psoriasis, haemorroids and a wide range of conditions of the nether-regions, amongst others.

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. The ability to hold one's breath for such an extended period of time, whilst singing the sacred hit song, must be developed gradually under the supervision and tuition of a trained instructor from the Placebo Power Institute.

An unsupervised, failed attempt can lead to severe complications including irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, baldness, premature aging and an annoying itch in the centre of the back, right at the spot that's hard to reach; you know the one.

By the way, can anyone think of a catchy name? The "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" technique is a bit of a mouthful and might hold progress back. I suppose I could just go generic and call it X-Technique, like 'X-Rays' but they're dangerous I reckon and will probably come to nothing anyway. Besides, I don't trust doctors, so maybe a more mystical name is the way to go. Suggestions to

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