Friday, January 29, 2010

The Spirit of Atlantis, in a bottle.

They say that the inhabitants of the Lost City of Atlantis never experienced sunburn or life-threatening sun cancers. They say the waters above them protected them from the Sun’s harmful rays.

It has also long been known that skin-divers do not suffer from sunburn whilst swimmers just a few metres above them need to apply regular applications of expensive, chemical-based sun creams.

With these facts in mind the boffins at None Laboratories set to work to develop and manufacture the World’s first completely safe and inexpensive UV protective sunscreen.

They reasoned that if several metres of water could filter out the Sun’s UV rays then all they had to do was concentrate this effect so that a thin smear of water applied to the skin would have the same effect as many metres of ocean.

In yet another magical development they have taken a sample of water from 10 metres below the surface near to where Atlantis is believed to have been and, using classical homeopathic techniques, diluted it over and over to intensify its potency so that it is rated an incredible Factor minus 10m+.

The result is a sunscreen so powerful that a few drops applied to the body on a dampened cloth will protect from the Sun’s damaging rays for up to 24 hours. That’s right: imagine being protected all day and all night too.

To be marketed as 'TEN BELOW', we imagine it will be available in all good pharmacies soon.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Absolutely Shamtastic

GUDHARA HOLISTIC SANCTURY is conducting a 3 day course in 'ecoshamanism' from friday 26 – sunday 28 february 2010.

The email I received promises that over the weekend you will:

  • explore techniques of traditional shamanism and modern eco-shamanism
  • understand how ancient knowledge/wisdom can be applied to modern sustainability issues
  • gain clarity, insight and understanding for both personal and bigger-picture problems
  • meet your totem animal and ancestors
  • raise your awareness and understanding of your role in protecting and living more harmoniously with nature
  • learning outcomes are claimed to include-

    • learn journeying techniques
    • communicate and connect with nature / nature spirits
    • experience altered states of consciousness
    • learn skills to help you transform your lifestyle to be more ecocentric
    • access and optimise power-filled hidden aspects of self
    • experience sacred rituals and ceremonies
    With the World at crisis point on so many fronts what better course of action could a committed, practical environmentalist take than to spend a weekend covorting with his/her totem animal, experiencing altered states of consciousness and learning how the ancient practices of shamanism and sacred rituals helped primitive societies cope when up to 50% of their infants died in their first year of life, life expectancy was about half the present average and the technology by which you are reading this (and I received Gudhara's email) was inconceivable.
    All for only $295 too.