Thursday, February 11, 2010

Imagination Unlimited

Queues are already forming outside Ostores worldwide as devotees of None Laboratories’ products anxiously await next week’s launch of its latest creation, the incredible HomeOpad or Opad as the company affectionately calls it.

Based on the ability of water molecules to absorb and retain information, the Opad is billed as a combination of a mobile phone, pocket organizer, personal computer and time machine. The company says the device promises to revolutionize the way we interact with our environment and each other.

Founder of None Laboratories, Dr. O. None says the Opad is the company’s most exciting discovery yet.

“Imagine being able to see the future unfold or relive a past-life on the screen in front of you and share that experience in real time with others. Well that’s exactly what Opad will allow you to do,” he boasts.

He explained that once an Opad owner has achieved what he terms “HomeOstasis” with his/her Opad, they are bonded for life. Opad will then automatically tune in, via the water molecules in its owner’s body, to the activities of its owner or ‘partner’, as the company likes to call its consumers.

“Imagine being able to see yourself being hit by a runaway bus as you approach a pedestrian crossing and being able to avoid that fate by stopping and waiting till the bus harmlessly passes before crossing the road,” says Dr. None.

Critics claim that Opad is “just a bottle of water with a cheap sticker on the front designed to give the appearance of a scientific device” but Dr. None rejects these criticisms as the "usual desperate rantings of a disgruntled and jealous science community".

“Unfortunately the science community has failed to move on and incorporate new-age technologies such as Homeopathy, to their considerable disadvantage,” he said.

“Their slavish devotion to the outdated notions of experimental repeatability and double-blind trials has really slowed the development of many discoveries,” he claims.

“If it works for them, it works. That’s how our customers see it,” he stated emphatically.

How much does an Opad cost? Each Opad is absolutely free but each new owner is required to sign up for an instructional seminar in order to achieve HomeOstasis before being entrusted with their new partner in life.

If the queues outside Sydney’s Ostore are any indication, then there will be no shortage of consumers willing to part with $599 to partner an Opad, starting next Monday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Another brilliant invention by Dr None.